"There is a shocking disconnect between the way the government and media speak about gender non-conforming people and the reality of our lives. This gap between representation and reality continues to get worse. As we face heightened prejudice and harassment on the ground, more policies and public statements deriding us continue to be made. This disconnect is not a coincidence; it is a calculation. This is how it has always worked: the best way to eliminate a group is to demonize them, such that their disappearance is seen as an act of justice, not discrimination.

But this is about discrimination, and its time that we address it. The reality that many gender non-conforming people cannot go outside without fear of being attacked in unacceptable. The issue is not that we are failing to be men or women. It's  that the criteria used to evaluate us to begin with is the problem." (6)

"This is a disconnect I have come to know well: between what people see and who I actually am. I have learned that the most lethal part of the human body is not the fist; it is the eye. What people see and how people see has everything to do with power." (11)

"The truth is that we are in a state of emergency. In the past few years, we have seen an onslaught of legislation introduced at the local, state, and federal levels targeting gender non-conforming people by attempting to prohibit curriculum about us, banning us from public accommodations, denying us access to legal protections at work, and barring our access to healthcare. On all fronts— from South Dakota attempting to ban transgender athletes in high school sports; to Tennessee tryin to bar us from accessing public spaces, including highways, schools, and parks; to Texas proposing financial compensation for reporting us us using the bathroom; to legislation across the country permitting businesses the right to deny services on the basis of gender— our communities are under attack. Regardless of whether these pieces of legislation pass, the fact that they are even being considered suggests how disposable we are considered to be.

These sentiments are also echoed on a federal level. Take, for instance, when the Department of Justice announced that trans and gender non-conforming workers are not protected by civil rights law. Or when the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention censored the word transgender. Or, in 2018, when the Department of Health and Human Services attempted to define gender as fixed and binary in a memo that was later leaked. Or the overwhelming opposition to the Equality Act just a year later. The list goes on and on." (14-15)

"How are you supposed to be believe about the harm that you experience when people don't even believe that you exist?

The assumption that being a masculine man or a feminine woman is normal and that being us is an accessory. Like of you remove our clothing, our makeup, and our pronouns, underneath the surface we are just men and women playing dress up.

The scrutiny on our bodies distracts us from what's really going on here: control. The emphasis on our appearance distracts us from the real focus: power." (17)

"The thing about shame is that it eats at you until is fully consumes you. Then you cannot tell the difference between their shame and your own— between a body and an apology. It's not just that you internalize the shame; rather, it becomes you. You no longer need the people at school telling you not to dress like that; you already do it to yourself. You no longer need your family telling you to be quiet; you already do it to yourself. You edit yourself, and at some point, it becomes so normal that you can't even tell that you're doing it. And the worst part is that you no longer have anyone else to blame." (20)

"That's the thing about being an LGBTQIA+ kid— you often don't have the luxury to come into yourself on your own terms because other people have made up their minds for you." (23)

"After graduating high school, I actively sought out people who questioned everything. I surrounded myself with people who were figuring out who they were, people committed to being vulnerable with one another. I made a home out of long conversations with friends who became my chosen family— people who asked big questions and gave even bigger love." (24)

"Society's inability to place us in boxes makes them uncomfortable; the unfamiliar becomes a threat and not an opportunity. The unknown calls into question everything that we thought we knew about ourselves and the world.

And this... this is a good thing! Being self-reflective and open to transformation is something we should celebrate, not fear." (26)

"Repression breeds insecurity breeds violence. When I was in high school, I was tormented for being effeminate. Years after graduating, one of my most vicious bullies sent me a message apologizing for his behavior, revealing that he had since come out as bisexual. Back in school he was jealous and resentful of my freedom of expression and bullied me so that he could prove to other people that he was 'normal.' It had taken him years to come to terms with his sexuality, and he wanted to apologize for not supporting me with my gender expression back then.

People judge gender non-conformity because they are insecure about their identities. If they weren't, then gender variance wouldn't be so heavily policed. Gender non-conformity causes such a huge reaction because we're consistently taught that there are only two fixed and universal genders." (28)

"At the time, I thought conforming would make me happier, but instead it just made me more lonely. This is how bullying works: We are afraid of being bullied, so we bully other people. We mistake hurting other people with healing ourselves. We repress ourselves and in turn repress one another, hurting everyone involved.

So often we mistake likability with acceptance. Just because something is more relatable doesn't mean it's better. When the basis of your connection is putting down other people, that connection is going to be weak. There's always the constant fear that people will turn on you. You can never show your vulnerability, because you always have to pretend that you are strong. That's a lot of pressure.

True acceptance doesn't look loke having to change who you are in order to be embraced." (33)

"Power can be defined as the ability to make a particular perspective seem universal. Control is  how power maintains itself; anyone who expresses another perspective is punished. Arguments against gender non-conforming people are about maintaining power and control. Most can be grouped into four categories: dismissal, inconvenience, biology, and the slippery slope. These are strategies that people use to make the gender binary seem like a given, not a decision. It's important to understand how they work in order to imagine otherwise." (36)

"What you begin to notice in having these conversations is that they accuse us of doing the very things that they are doing to us.

They say that we are erasing them

as they actively erase the long history of cultures outside the Western gender binary.

They say that we are making things up

as they invent hundreds of new laws to legislate us out of existence.

They say that we are pretending

as the recite the scripts about gender they have been taught.

They say that we are attacking them

as hate crimes against trans and gender non-conforming people increase.

This is how power works: It makes the actual people experiencing violence seem like a threat. Moving from a place of fear that leads us to make harmful assumptions about one another. In our fear, we treat other people's identities as if they are something that they are doing ton us and not something that just exists.

The world we want is one in which all people, regardless of their appearances, are treated with dignity and respect— one in which these factors do not have a bearing on safety, employment, and opportunity. We want a world that acknowledges and appreciates the complexity of everyone and everything— one in which transformation is celebrated and not repressed. We want a world where people have an underlying worth regardless of their gender.

The gender binary is hurting us all, and it is time for us to finally put it to rest." (58-59)

"Tomorrow you could wake up and feel inspired to wear your first lipstick or suit (or both!). Next year you could fall in love with someone you never thought you would. Ten years from now you could have a major realization and decide to transition genders. Who knows what the future holds? We should not hold ourselves back for the sake of convention. Instead, we should embrace ongoing transformation as a necessary part of what it means to be alive." (63)